oh god the rape fog is back!
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
