Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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