Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize