I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
