a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
