we're blogging at a bar
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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