i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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