the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
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Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
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I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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