I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
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First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
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when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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