I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The power of my boobs compel you
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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