I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
