Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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