Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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