she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
