I wish life had little blips of pornography
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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