I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
