so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
