We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
