I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
