I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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