This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
he thought i was a dude.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
