There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
