They should really pass out barf bags in church
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Be still, my beating vagina.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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