I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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