Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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