girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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