Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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