This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
