Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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