you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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