I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We have so much sex to catch up on
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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