yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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