Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
