We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
