These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
