I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
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I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
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I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize