but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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