***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
