We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
