To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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