i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
