just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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