I would go down on you faster than GM stock
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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