Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
