I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
