as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
