I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I love having hate sex.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
