3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
