i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
