I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
