8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
