the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
