Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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