his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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