Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I am one with the molecules
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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