yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
