the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize