not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
