And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
