i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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