Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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