I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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