When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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