I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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