can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
So squirting runs in the family.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
