I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
