I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
