A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
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Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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