They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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