oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
two words...techno handjob
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
