waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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