sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
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