I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
