Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
