I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
