I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
