if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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