This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
