The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
