Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
