So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
