I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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