I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
