I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
